


to consume him was a sin

by MikazukiMunechika305



Category: Peacemaker Kurogane
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-29 05:15:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10847214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MikazukiMunechika305/pseuds/MikazukiMunechika305
Summary: Sometimes Hijikata regrets what he has done.Sometimes he feels like everything is his fault.





	to consume him was a sin

**Author's Note:**

> I got the idea for this when I was listening to Steve Barton's "Endless Appetite" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcZP9BFL0TI) because it has a line that goes "When I recall his body I cant help but think to consume him was a sin," and I thought that really kinda fitted what Hijikata probably thinks of Souji.  
> For that purpose I interpreted 'consume' a little differently than it's probably meant, but I guess it suffices XD
> 
> Anyways! I know this OS is really short, but I hope you'll be able to enjoy reading--and please leave me a review, if you'd like! (^-^)

Sometimes he regrets what he has done.  
Sometimes he feels like everything is his fault.  
Maybe it _is_.  
Maybe the only reason Souji is the way he is now is because Hijikata decided to teach him how to use a sword when he was nine years old.  
Souji doesn’t see it that way; Hijikata knows that. But still, he regrets it, especially when Souji now looks so weak and vulnerable in his sleep.  
Happy, yes, but weak and vulnerable.  
Hijikata sighs heavily. He falls silent for a moment, and then sighs again, louder this time.  
Either Souji has been awake all this time, or he has become a very light sleeper—he turns around on the futon and looks up at Hijikata curiously. “Why are you sighing like this, Hijikata-san?”  
Hijikata shakes his head. “It’s nothing. You should sleep some more.”  
“I’m not tired anymore.” He sounds honest, at least, but on the other hand, Souji has become a very good actor. “Can I kiss you, Hijikata-san?”  
Something must be bothering him—Souji never asks for permission to kiss him. Especially not when they’re all alone like this.  
The older man nods slowly; maybe a kiss is just what he needs now.  
When Souji sits up and leans forward, it’s nothing like his usual kisses, though. It’s much more chaste and gentle, and the young man conveys more love than actual passion. “I’m alright, Hijikata-san,” he says, even though it’s not the truth—not in Hijikata’s eyes. “You’re worrying again, but you really don’t need to.”  
“I shouldn’t have done this,” Hijikata mutters before he can hold himself back.  
Souji shakes his head and then rests his forehead against his friend’s chest. He knows what Hijikata is talking about, like he does almost every time the older says something. “It’s not your fault I’m… like this.”  
But no matter how many times he says that, Hijikata still feels guilty. “If I hadn’t taught you…”  
“If Kondou-san hadn’t taken me in,” Souji corrects, an amused smile on his lips, and even Hijikata can’t tell if it’s an honest one or not. “If you’re going to think like that, it’s Kondou-san’s fault.”  
“It’s not. I could still have refrained from teaching you how to fight.”  
“One can’t grow up in a dojo without sparring, Hijikata-san,” the young man—he’s still a boy, in Hijikata’s eyes—mocks him, and he sounds just a tiny bit angry. “Why can’t you stop blaming yourself? I’m _happy_ with this,” he empathizes.  
“That’s what you think. You’d be happier if you’d grown up normally.”  
“That’s what _you_ think.” Souji’s voice is sharp now, it reminds Hijikata of his sword. “It doesn’t matter how happy I’d be then. What matters is how happy I am now, right?”  
‘No,’ Hijikata wants to say. ‘What matters is how much more time we have.’  
However, he remains silent, and Souji sighs heavily. The boy shifts into a more comfortable position and presses himself against Hijikata.  
It feels like a child looking for someone to take care of him. It feels the same way it felt back then, when Souji first looked up to him with big, curious, hopeful eyes.  
Hijikata wraps one arm around him and wishes he was holding the child from back then—the child Souji still tries to be sometimes, when he teases him and steals his haiku book, and when he comes to cuddle with him at night. The child that is completely gone from Souji’s eyes, body, and mind whenever he takes up a sword and it starts consuming his body and mind anew.  
The moonlight is shining through the paper-thin wall, and after a while, Hijikata loosens his grip slightly.  
Of course, the younger notices. “Hijikata-san?” he mutters, sounding half-asleep.  
“Let me get up.”  
“I thought you wanted me to sleep.” But Souji sits up on his own again and allows Hijikata to get up and open the door facing the garden. “…the stars are beautiful tonight… is that why—”  
“Shut up.” Hijikata sits down again and pulls Souji back against his body. “Just… be quiet for a moment."  
Souji smiles happily and snuggles up against him again.  
By the time Hijikata feels like getting up and closing the door again, the younger has fallen asleep again, a peaceful smile on his lips.  
And for once, Hijikata starts thinking that maybe he can accept all his bad choices if Souji can still be happy with them.


End file.
